1. You must be on time for all examinations. If you are late, you will be shot.
2. You must not become involved in any unfair or dishonest practice in any part of the examination e.g. football match fixing.
3. You may take into the examination room only the materials and equipment which are allowed. You must not take into the examination room any unauthorised materials or equipment (for example: calculator cases/instruction leaflets, vehicle exhaust systems, bags, bowling balls, pencil cases, fishing tackle, personal TV/stereos, electronic or radio communication devices, including mobile telephones).
4. You must not talk to nor disturb other candidates once the examination has started.
5. For examinations longer than one hour, you are not allowed to leave the examination room until at least one hour after the published starting, time. If you ask to leave before the end of the examination, you will be shot.
6. If you try to use any unfair practice, or break the rules in any way, you will be shot.
7. If you are caught with a mobile phone upon your person switched off, you will score zero in all examinations in that session. If the mobile phone is switched on, you will score zero in all your examinations ever and your left leg removed. If your mobile phone rings in an exam you will be shot and if it plays that annoying 'Nokia Tune' as in Trigger Happy TV, you will be hung, drawn and quartered.

1. Know the dates and times of your examinations.
2. Arrive at least ten minutes before the start of each examination.
3. If you arrive late for an examination, your left index finger will be removed.
4. If you arrive after the examination has ended, your left hand will be removed.

PROVIDE WHAT YOU NEED

5. Leave outside the examination room or with the Invigilator anything which you do not need or which is not allowed. E.g. vehicle exhaust systems, bowling balls, fishing tackle.
6. Take into the examination room the pens, pencils, rubbers and any instruments (trombones, clarinets, flutes etc.) which you need for the examination.
7. You must write in blue or black ink, except for multiple choice test papers. Coloured pencils, inks or blood may be used only for diagrams, maps, charts, etc..
8. You may not borrow anything from another candidate during the examination. E.g. his/her desk, chair or clothing.

1. You may use a calculator, unless you are told you must not in which case you must not.
2. If you use a calculator,
   • it must not be in a case,
   • it must not have batteries,
   • it must not work,
   • do not bring into the examination room any operating instructions or prepared programs. Should you do so, you will be shot.
3. You must not use a dictionary or computer spell-checker unless you are told that you may do so in which case you may.

1. Listen to the Invigilator and do what you are asked to do.
2. Tell the Invigilator at once,
   • if you think you have been given a copy of the Maastricht Treaty or you don't have all the materials listed on the front of the paper. E.g. cotton, polyester, silk etc..
   • if your question paper has been defaced by a young child.
   • if your question paper has been chewed by a small amphibian.
3. Read carefully the washing instructions printed on your clothes.
4. Fill in the details required on the front of the question paper and/or the answer booklet before the start of the examination.
5. Do your rough work only on the proper examination stationery. Screw it up tightly into a sphere and launch it at an other candidate or Invigilator.

1. If on the day of the examination you feel that your work may be affected by the alcohol you consumed the previous evening, tell the Invigilator.
2. If during the examination,
   • you have a problem and would like to talk about it in private with someone,
   • you suffer a myocardial infarction,
   • you need more paper,
   put up your hand.
3. You must not ask for, and will not be given, any explanation of the meaning of life.

1. If you have used more than one answer booklet and/or any loose sheets of paper, you will be shot.
2. You must not cry until the Invigilator tells you to do so.
3. You must not take from the examination room any examination stationery, used or unused, rough work, clocks, desks, chairs, lights or any other materials provided for the examination. Anyone found doing so will be shot.